by Ruthie Stewart
For women, the “gift of life,” is
one where they never stop giving. Moth-erhood comes with a hefty
price that is often paid without a thought. After all, there
is nothing more important or dear to us than our children, and
if in order to have a family we must make sacrifices, we do it
willingly.
The first thing to go when a woman becomes a mother is the interests,
such as horses, that are perhaps viewed as selfish when a baby
enters the picture. Show buzz about a baby on the way is always
a little bittersweet when the news follows that the expectant mother
is getting out of horses for obvious reasons.
Women
often sell their horses even when they are thinking about getting
pregnant because they think that they won’t have
time to ride or show. It’s prudent to take time off, for
the safety of both the mother and child. Riding can be dangerous
and the predictability of the quietest horse cannot be guaranteed.
How long one rides during a pregnancy is a personal decision
and since all circumstances are different, there are no hard
and fast rules, much like how long each woman needs for maternity
leave. Arguably women, by their biological nature as carriers
of babies, have no choice but to leave the horse show industry
and their careers for their health and that of their child. If
training horses is your livelihood, carrying a baby is even more
difficult as there’s no paid maternity in the horse business.
After birth, horses aren’t a priority for most new parents,
but soon the itch to ride and show gets stronger. Trainers have
no choice as getting back in the saddle and the game is your bread
and butter. Making time for showing, along with finding reliable
childcare, is a challenge for anyone with a family as horses are
dangerous and an infant or small child has to be protected in their
presence.
However, despite the challenges, many women keep on showing and
don’t give up their passions to be mothers. Sure, kids complicate
everything, but they are portable and many grow up in the horse
world and are better for the experience. Often they inherit the
horse bug from their parents and are soon showing themselves.
Keeping up with the kids and staying on top of the show game is
tough, but doable. Meet some women who are moms and top competitors
in the horse show world.
MILLION DOLLAR MANDY
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There
aren’t many men or women,
professional or amateur, with the show credentials that Mandy
McCutcheon of Aubrey, Texas has. She has won over a million dollars
in NRHA prize money and is the only woman and amateur to do so
in a select group of ten members. Mandy is married to Tom and
they have a seven year-old son, Cade, and a two year-old, Carlee.
“We planned on having kids shortly after we were married,
but I never really had a plan of how I was going to juggle horses
and children. I had a really good nanny for my son, and another
for my daughter when they were both infants. Without them and my
family, I couldn’t have done it. My family plays a huge part
in making my riding career possible,” says Mandy.
McCutcheon finds new surprises every day as a parent and feels
blessed to have two healthy, happy kids. Tom and Mandy have a network
of people who help with their children and call parenting a team
effort. “The saying ‘it takes a village to raise children’ is
so true! My parents, Tom's mother, and my friends all do a lot
to help me with the kids, so I can ride both at home and at the
shows.”
Tom is an NRHA million dollar rider, too, and runs a large training
and breeding operation out of the couple’s new facility in
Aubrey, Texas. They also operate a rehab and fitness center for
horses, and are fully equipped with an Aquatread and multiple therapeutic
machines. “So, he is very involved in horses. He trains for
a living so we are both at the same shows, but we show in different
classes, so if one of us is busy the other can make sure the kids
are being taken care of.”
Physically, riding was a little harder with Mandy’s first
pregnancy. “I gained more weight than with my second, but
with both I showed my last horse when I was seven months pregnant.” Mandy
didn’t ride much at home while pregnant and basically just
got on and showed. Her daughter was born on October 25, 2005 and
she showed in the first go-round of the NRHA futurity four weeks
later. “Emotionally, sometimes being a parent is hard for
me as my son is in the second grade and plays a lot of sports,
so when I have to miss anything he does I hate it! We are very
lucky he loves to ride and he began showing in March of 2007 at
age six. That is one thing we never miss!”
As far as prioritizing goes, when Mandy is home she is a mom first. “Tom
and I don't miss any of the kids’ activities when we are
home. Twice we have driven all night to make it to one of Cade's
games.” They recently hired a secretary who is a big help
to Mandy.
Mandy tries to ride as much as she can when she is home, and that
part of her schedule is flexible, so if the kids need something
she can take care of it. As far as “mommy guilt” goes,
there really is no way around it, she says. “It is very hard,
but we are lucky my best friend lives in our town and she takes
care of Cade as if he was hers when we are gone to shows, and most
of the time she brings him to the shows later in the week. Cade
is very understanding when we miss a game and that helps. He gives
us all the details over the phone.”
The McCuthceon’s have a motor-home they bring to shows, which
makes it nice. If they have a sitter available, they can take Carlee
back for a nap or just a break which makes everyone's life much
easier. When Cade is at the shows, he can sleep more or just go
back to the bus to relax.
“I did slow down showing when I had kids. I used to show
hunters and jumpers at a fairly high level and I have not been
able to do that for the past five years or so. I miss it very much
and would like to get back to it again someday, but for now my
priority is my family.”
The best part of the horse business for Mandy is that it is entirely
a family affair for her. Her parents, Tim and Colleen, are both
trainers and legends in their own right. “My dad is in the
reining horses and my mom is in the hunters and jumpers. Tom's
father, Bob, is a trainer and so are two of his brothers. My brother-in-law
Scott, his daughter Lindsey, wife Kathy and other brother Jim all
train or show. Tom’s oldest brother Terry runs the rodeo
program at South Dakota State University.” Her son Cade has
joined their group and the only negative thing about showing is
missing anything Cade does at school or Carlee may do in the future,
adds Mandy.
McCutcheon counts on the help of family and friends to stay involved
in horses and help with her kids. “Really, I don't think
it’s hard to stay active, actually kids make you more active!
I am just fortunate that my activity is riding and so far both
my children show lots of interest in it. So, it is something our
family does together. With any luck we will do it together for
a long time.”
NANCY KEEPS IT FUN
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Nancy Wilkerson resides in Ocala, Florida and has a four-year-old
named Luke. She says, “A dear friend once told me, if you
waited for the perfect time to have children you would never have
any!” One surprise that came with motherhood was the lessons
that came from parenting. “Luke has taught us to love unconditionally
and to become more patient, understanding and forgiving.” Nancy
and her husband, Brad, do their best to split the work of parenting
and keep it a partnership.
Brad does not currently ride or compete with horses, but is very
active in their two businesses, Haylo Trailers and Coast to Coast
Truck and Trailer Sales, where they sell and service eight different
lines of horse trailers. So, showing and parenting is something
only Nancy has to juggle in the family. “I rode until I was
five months pregnant. I believe people that have ridden horses
for a long time are very comfortable on a horse and feel as safe
as they would driving a car or riding a bike. I quit in the middle
to please everybody.”
Wilkerson adds that her first priority is always family. She
feels very fortunate to have such an outstanding family who instilled
great family values. “Thanks Mom and Dad! It is always a
give-and-take trying to balance everything. I have many years ahead
to master it, as my son is only four years-old, and many masters
to give opinions and advice.”
Nancy has a fantastic support team who helps her fit horses into
her busy schedule. She is also lucky that through her businesses
she has a choice of how to travel to the horseshows and makes her
trips in living quarter trailers with comfort.
Wilkerson finds the best part of showing and being a mom is watching
her son develop the same interests. He currently has his own pony
that he enjoys going really fast on - too fast at times, she adds. “I
also have both things that I love the most close to me at all times,
my family and my horses!” As children get older, it gets
harder to juggle their education and horse shows, Nancy knows,
but as they say, she’ll cross that bridge when she comes
to it. For now her motto is, “keep it fun,” while making
sure that all of her family’s interests grow in the same
directions.
IN THE BIZ WENDY
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As the owner of Show Me Again Enterprises, the leading horse show
clothing consignment store in the industry, Wendy Habighorst has
made showing her business and her hobby. Her husband, Jeff, is
also in the biz, and operates Blue Ribbon Custom Tack. They are
parents to Jacey, age two, and they make their home is Scottsdale,
Arizona.
Like many new parents, Wendy and Jeff had a plan for how having
a child would fit into their lives. They found out soon that all
their plans changed when the baby came, but Wendy says, “It
turned out better than we had planned!” Wendy was surprised
how strong the maternal instinct is. “You become a lioness
when it comes to your baby.”
Because Wendy has more freedom with her work and can set her
own hours, she is Jacey’s primary caretaker. Prior to Jacey’s
birth, she wasn’t showing or riding during her pregnancy.
After the baby turned one, Wendy bought a new horse and rode about
three times a week. “Most of the time I would take her with
me and set up a pack for her to play in next to the arena. She
was very good at entertaining herself and loved watching mommy
ride. Jeff would come to the barn when he could or watch Jacey
early mornings while I went to go ride when the weather was too
hot or cold for her.”
Because Jeff and Wendy both work in the horse industry, traveling
is part of their job description. In the beginning they took Jacey
on the road with them. “We were not fortunate enough to have
help and it wasn’t feasible or fair to ask a baby to work
the same hours as we did. When Jacey was 18 months, I took over
Show Me Again and began to work from home and travel intermittently
to horse shows. I’ve found a happy medium that allows me
to be successful at both being a mom and working, which is really
important to me.”
Wendy adds that moms who show definitely have to re-prioritize
and look at the big picture. Jacey goes to a home day care with
five other kids for a few hours per week. She really likes the
socializing and the time apart allows Wendy to focus on her business
uninterrupted. She also does a lot of work while Jacey naps and
after she goes to bed at night. “This allows me to give her
more of my undivided attention.”
One of the best things about being a mom and showing for Wendy
is, “seeing Jacey’s eyes when she sees a horse and
knowing she will love them as much as me and hearing her say ‘horsey!’ The
worst is temporarily giving it up. However, my mom is still going
strong in the Select showing my mare so I have faith I will be
in the show pen again!”
“Horses are in my blood. The industry is something I’m
very passionate about, so it is not a matter of ‘staying
in’ for me. I’ll always be into horses even if I’m
not riding or showing. Right now, I’m just savoring and enjoying
every minute with my child because time goes by so fast. I try
to incorporate them into our life as much as possible because I
think horses are a terrific way to share a common interest with
your child while teaching responsibility, competitiveness and unconditional
love.” Well-said!
UNSTOPPABLE CHRISTI
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Home
base for Chad and Christi Christensen and their eight month-old
daughter, Cara, is Whitesboro, Texas. When Chad and Christi were
planning on having a child, they knew there would be no stopping
Christi from being in the show pen. Christi has been involved
with horses her whole life and says, “Even
though having a child means slowing everything down at least
one notch, it didn’t mean that was the end for me! I foaled
out horses while very pregnant and worked up until two weeks
before I had Cara.” Christi is the farm/breeding manager
at High Point Performance Horses and she knew that even after
having Cara she would be bringing her along with her to work.
“I think the biggest surprise about being a mom is how many
new people that I have met just because they want to see my baby.
She is like a celebrity when she goes to the horse shows. People
flock to her!”
Chad and Christi try to spilt child care 50/50. They both get Cara
ready for the daily bathing and help dressing her. Chad drops her
off at the babysitter and picks her up more than Christi because
it is just a couple miles from their house and Christi works 20
miles away. “Of course, at the horse shows, I do the bulk
of parenting even though I am showing, too. Chad has a barn full
of customers and horses that he has to prepare, including my horses,” adds
Christi.
“Chad is a horse trainer and we made a pact that he prepares
the horse at the show and I kind of just get on and show if we
have Cara there and did not bring someone that can help us watch
her. At home, we have had Cara in her stroller while I ride or
her Uncle Shane or my mom watch her. Cara loves to spectate though,
she is already horse crazy!”
Finding show clothes while pregnant was tough as Christi showed
until she was seven months along. She was lucky enough to borrow
from some great friends. “My chaps fit my legs but not my
waist.” The new mom was back in the show pen at the Reichert
Celebration 12 days after having Cara and won the Amateur Western
Riding circuit.
Because Cara is only eight months old, if she is sick or needs
a checkup she comes first, says Christi. Christi feels lucky that
she works for great people who are very understanding. They give
her time off whenever she needs as long as the work gets done.
The Christensen’s have a living quarters that they take to
the shows. Cara is able to watch movies or play with her toys and
stay out of any bad weather.
Christi admits she has slowed down a little bit and doesn’t
work as many hours. “Overall, I still am a very busy person.
The best part of being a mom and showing horses is I have something
to look forward to in spending a lot of time with my daughter.
She already has the ‘horse crazy’ attitude even at
eight months. She loves to pet them and she can watch them for
hours at a time. Cara sat in the stands at the World Show for probably
seven hours and was fascinated with the outfits and the horses
going by. The worst part about being a mom and showing horses is
that I think I am broke now. Just wait until Cara says she needs
a show horse instead of her pony! Yikes!”
For other moms who are debating on whether they need to hang up
their cowboy hat, Christi encourages them to get their kids involved
in horses. Then, moms get quality time with their kids and “when
you get too old to do the horses anymore, at least you can enjoy
your kids showing them!” Word to the wise, she adds, don’t
force your kids into liking horses. “I have seen some of
the world’s brattiest kids that were forced to show horses
and their poor parents spent thousands of dollars for nothing!
Chad and I have agreed to not push Cara to like the horses. If
she does, and she seems to, then she will let us know on her own.”
HAVING IT ALL
Some
say I did a crazy thing when I added to my family this past fall.
We have two kids, ten and twelve years old, and life was getting
easier in some ways. Gone were the diapers and the babysitters.
We could sleep in and our kids were relatively self-sufficient.
Other things are harder as we find the older they get, the bigger
the problems they have. A band-aid and hug don’t fix what
ails them now.
Horse shows were family affairs where we’d all show. We were
all happy, but I’d always had the nagging feeling that I
wanted more.
We welcomed our third child, Logan Lane, last August and it’s
been great. I missed showing at the ApHC Nationals, but came along
to cheer on my family. We are on our third trailer with living
quarters and it’s been the best purchase we’ve made.
For babies who need shelter and a comfortable temperature, they
are a necessity. Everyone can sleep in while dad feeds and rides
in the middle of the night. It truly is a “home away from
home.”
I showed two months after Logan was born. The idea of a World Show
that soon was both a great goal to work towards and a nagging pressure
I put on myself. I placed in my two events and, all in all, I’m
glad I did it. Like most people, I’m happier when I push
myself and don’t live life on the sidelines. I think moms
in general sometimes forget the things that excited them before
they had kids and with all the work they have in their parenting
role, it’s easier sometimes to become the cheerleader for
the family. For me, it’s important to keep some aspirations
that don’t involve children in order to maintain my sense
of self. Easy isn’t always what’s best for a woman.
If it were, we’d never have kids.
What children add to our lives is immeasurable, much like our horses.
It takes a ton of effort to stay in horses, but it’s worth
it. Giving up the things you love, for the ones you love, can have
negative results for you, your kids, and your marriage. If you
find you’ve reached your joy quota in motherhood, that’s
great. If not, it’s a good idea to cultivate other interests
in order to enrich your life.
We all find motherhood overwhelming at times and it helps to remember
the old adage, “this too shall pass” and focusing your
attention on your little miracle until times get easier is fine.
If you decide to keep showing when you start a family, that’s
great too. “Having it all,’ is really what “all” is
to you and doing what makes you happy will make for a better parent
and a happier child.
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